Get the Book
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February 2017: Four years in the making, I’ve finally published a new book based on themes that emerged from this blog.
Get the book:
Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life
This book explores the five main ways that intimate relationships can diverge from the conventions of the traditional Relationship Escalator. It’s based on insight that I gleaned from my survey, where over 1500 individuals shared personal stories of their unconventional relationships. More than 330 participants are directly quoted. It discusses consensual nonmonogamy (including polyamory, and solo polyamory, but also swinging, and other kinds of open relationships). It also covers
It discusses consensual nonmonogamy (including polyamory, but also swinging, and several other open relationship styles). It includes several chapters about relationships that support more personal autonomy than the Escalator typically allows (including the choice to be solo, whether poly or otherwise). It also explores, in depth, relationships that are not hierarchical, where a sexual/romantic bond plays little or no role, or that may not be intended to be “always and forever.”
What if you prefer traditional relationships, or are uncertain whether stepping off the Escalator is a good idea? This book is intended to be useful to anyone, regardless of which relationship styles you might prefer. The goal of this book is to help everyone understand and appreciate relationship diversity, and know their options, through real stories from real people. Embracing relationship diversity can help make the world a friendlier place for all kinds of loving relationships – and right now, this world could probably use all the love it can get.
The goal of this book is to help everyone understand and appreciate relationship diversity, and know their options, through real stories from real people. Embracing relationship diversity might help make the world a friendlier place for all kinds of loving relationships – and right now, this world could probably use all the love it can get.
But wait, there’s more! At least two additional books based on this research are forthcoming in 2017 and 2018. Learn more at the Off the Escalator project. Subscribe to email updates, or like this Facebook page. Thanks for your support!
Solo Poly 
I thought you might enjoy this article. It’s not about polyamory, but a more solo style of doing monogamy called “Dual Dwelling Duos” and is one way of stepping off the escalator.
http://www.ciis.edu/Academics/Faculty/Judye_Hess_Bio/Long-term_Relationships.html
Excellent, thanks!
I filled out the survey, but it I got an eror message when I pushed send. Did yo get it?
I don’t think so, sorry about that! Must have been a glitch. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Please try again. I’ll test the survey when I’m back in front of my laptop.
I just tested the survey and it worked, so you can submit again if you like. Sorry for your earlier difficulty.
I am interested in seeing the results of the survey. Will they be posted somewhere (even if in raw form?)
We are using this survey to gather material for our forthcoming book, as noted. The book will excerpt what some survey participants had to say (since a lot of the survey is open-ended questions). We will also be publishing some excerpts from responses in our blogs and on the book website, which will go live in April. In addition, we will be publishing some statistical-type information, although gathering statistics is not the main purpose of this survey. But we will not be releasing the full-text results of all survey responses.
It would be much appreciated by many people if you changed “cisgendered,” “transgendered,” and “intersexed” on yours survey to “cisgender,” “transgender,” and “intersex.” The former are considered mildly offensive and at the least can have many people feeling unheard. In short, these are not things that happen to you, they are things you are.
Good point, I appreciate the info, will fix, thanks.
Hey there! Would you mind if I share your blog with my zynga group?
There’s a lot of people that I think would really appreciate
your content. Please let me know. Cheers
Hello! Are there any updates on the release date of the book yet?
Thank you, Eve
Still working on it. Huge job. Sometime this year.
OMG finally something that might make me feel less alone about my views on personal intimate relationships, and the differences between real love and falling in love. Thank you for this!!!!!!!
Update: I’ve revised this post to share the news that the first book based on this survey has been published!