January 13, 2013 by aggiesez
Love was never one-size-fits-all. Generally we don’t hear much that’s positive (or much at all) about significant intimate relationships which don’t conform to the two-people-monogamous-shared-household-kids-til-death-do-us-part model — or at least, relationships on a clear path toward that goal.
Still, people manage to have all kinds of intimate relationships that nurture their spirit and sexuality — and that enrich their lives, families and communities. In fact, there are enough ways to have relationships that don’t involve riding society’s standard relationship escalator that those alternatives could fill a book.
So: A book you shall have! My friend Lily Lloyd and I are writing a book tentatively titled: Off the escalator: Great relationships that don’t follow society’s rules. You can help us make this book great by taking our survey.
Lily’s blog, The Black Leather Belt, is quite popular in kink and poly circles. She’s also the author of a new book: Discipline: adding rules & discipline to your BDSM relationship (which is a great read and useful even if you’re not kinky). I recently interviewed her for this blog about what polyamory can learn from kink.
As we work on this book, we’re collecting stories about all kinds of alternative relationships. We’d love to hear your story. So we’ve created a survey to make it easy to gather stories and data about off-the-escalator relationships.
Tell your friends! Share this shortlink to our surveyinvitation: http://bit.ly/offescalator
This survey can be completed in as little as 3-5 minutes. But feel free to take as much time as you need to offer as much detail as you like.
Anyone at all is welcome to take our survey — but obviously we’re especially interested in hearing from people whose current, former, or desired future relationships do not conform to the standard relationship escalator in some significant way.
Off-escalator relationships can take many forms: honest and fully consensual non-monogamy (including polyamory), kink partners, swinging, casual hookups, monogamish arrangements, non-cohabitating primaries, and much more.
We want to hear what your off-escalator relationships are like, what they’ve been like in the past, and what you desire for the future. What advantages and disadvantages did they offer? We want to hear your direct experiences. We want to collect and reflect a diverse range of views.
People who take our survey agree that we can use the information they supply in our book and on our blog. Anonymous or pseudonymous responses are allowed. We do request an e-mail address so we can ask follow-up questions. We will not share our database of responses, or your e-mail address, with anyone.
Thanks, and looking forward to your insight to help move this project forward!