Monogamy, polyamory, whatever: It’s about choice!


May 8, 2013 by aggiesez

Knowledge is power — especially, the power to choose. Default settings often annoy me because I prefer knowing what my options are. I never expect that anything in life (banking, movie showtimes, sex, etc.) will suit me 100%, but I still resent it whenever I suspect I’ve been herded into a cattle chute.

This week the Valley Advocate (a newspaper in Northampton, Mass.) published a column by Yana Tallon-Hicks entitled It’s OK To Go Monogo. The basic premise is that any relationship style — including standard monogamy — ideally should be a matter of choice, not default.

Her bottom line:

“There’s a difference between ‘de facto monogamy’ and ‘chosen monogamy.’ De facto monogamy happens because ‘it’s just the way things go’ — boy marries girl, boy never looks at the waitress sideways or masturbates in the shower or even thinks about watching porn because girl is all boy will ever need. Somewhere in there there are also 2.5 kids and a white picket fence.

“De facto monogamy doesn’t acknowledge the possibility of [ethical, consensual] non-monogamy. It was built on social constructs and is supported by laws involving tax breaks and idiots fighting against gay marriage. It often ends in cheating, divorce, child custody battles and castration by jealousy.

“Alternatively, those who consciously choose monogamy have considered all of their options. They might believe that sexual monogamy isn’t naturally our strongest suit, or check out a hottie in a bar without being dishonest about it, but they also might just prefer being exclusive with their one and only honey. And they’re probably well rested and rich and still have their balls.”

Yes, absolutely. In fact, that’s the whole premise of my forthcoming book about off-the-escalator relationships — that people should know what their relationship options are, and see that any type of honest, consensual relationship stands a decent chance of making the people involved happy. And that the mere existence of non-standard relationship options or preferences doesn’t really threaten anyone.

Well said, Yana Tallon-Hicks!

2 thoughts on “Monogamy, polyamory, whatever: It’s about choice!

  1. polyhydra says:

    Well said! Just like women can choose to stay at home with the kids, cook and clean, this should be a conscious choice, not a default.

  2. Love how this article phrased things.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: