What are your core relationship values?


July 15, 2013 by aggiesez

One of the all-time most popular posts on this blog is Rules for myself: what makes solo polyamory work for me. It’s a rundown of how I’ve learned — through decades of experience — to make decisions about potential or existing intimate relationships, as well as how I choose to conduct myself in those relationships.

Of course, since I was the one who wrote it, it’s a long and detailed list: 14 rules so far and counting. (Yeah, you may have noticed I have a hard time with brevity in this blog.)

I know, that sounds terribly complicated. But ultimately it’s simple. Each of these rules stems from four core values I hold for intimate relationships, and for my life in general. I consider these values my internal “engine” — and the rules are simply an expression of how the rubber meets the road in my relationships.

So I’ll be uncharacteristically brief. Here are my own core values for intimate relationships:

  1. Mutual respect and consideration (how we treat each other)
  2. Autonomy and self responsibility (how we each take care of ourselves)
  3. Integrity (be honest and walk your talk)
  4. Joy (because otherwise, what’s the point?)

Those are mine, what are yours? Please comment below.

4 thoughts on “What are your core relationship values?

  1. Great question. I need to give it some thought!

  2. melanie says:

    Honesty, and someone to love me 100% as is. I’m not a fixer-upper.

  3. JMW says:

    Well said. I think you pretty much cover it. These are the values I expect in my friends and the values I expect in my lovers.

  4. Harper Eliot says:

    I think mine are fairly similar to my general life values… but they go something like this:

    1. Honesty
    2. Respect
    3. Responsibility
    and, yes… 4. Pleasure/joy… whatever you want to call it.

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