January 23, 2013 by aggiesez
Kinky people have much to teach the world about relationships — all kinds of relationships, including polyamorous and non-kinky ones. Take me: I’m vanilla and poly, but I’ve learned so much about communication, boundaries, and responsibility in relationships from my many kinky friends.
Lily is also one of my dearest friends, and she’s my coauthor for our forthcoming book about relationships that aren’t on society’s standard relationship escalator.
Want to help us write that book?
Take our survey to share you own experiences with off-the-escalator relationships.
Also, another one of the smartest and most talented people I know is Cunning Minx, host of the podcast Polyamory Weekly. The latest episode (just out a couple of days ago), features a lengthy and enormously fun and wide-ranging interview with Lily.
GIVE IT A LISTEN! PW 347: How being kinky prepared me to be poly.
Hmm, does that topic sound familiar? Their discussion was sparked by my own interview with Lily, which I published last month. I think the two interviews complement each other admirably.
Minx and Lily delve more into the kink end of this topic — specifically best practices for kink that serve poly well:
- Frank, ongoing discussions about sex — before it’s a problem.
- The practice of aftercare. Dealing with unexpected, strong emotional reactions while staying calm and staying until your partner is okay.
- “Equal” isn’t necessarily fair. In kink, it’s assumed that everyone will have different tastes, kinks and limits. Reciprocity isn’t assumed or necessary. (That’s also an important part of my crowdsourced list of tips for how to treat non-primary partners well. Last month Minx interviewed me for Polyamory Weekly on that theme.)
Thanks to Lily and Minx for adding so much value to this ongoing discussion!