August 13, 2013 by aggiesez
EDITOR’S NOTE: So far I’ve been writing this blog for a year. It takes up a lot of my time and energy — which I’m happy to give. But yeah, it’s a lot of work. And sometimes I wonder whether it’s worth it.
Then I get notes from readers like this one I got today. And hell yeah: it’s so worth it! And so is my upcoming book project about relationships that aren’t on the standard social relationship escalator.
I have just read my way through about four of your blog posts, almost back-to-back. I’d skimmed my way through the “relationship escalator” post a day or two ago, interesting but not necessarily deeply so, yadda yadda…
Today, as I was on my way home from an appointment, I was contemplating a friend with whom I’m still figuring out what “next” might be, or even if there is a “next.” Part of me has been withholding a bit because I really don’t know “where I want this to go.”
And all of a sudden, as I was thinking about it, I realized: “This is escalator behavior!”
So once I got home and settled back in, I reread the article, and got more out of it — including a takeaway that the escalator of and by itself is neither good or bad. However, knowing when I’m considering being on it is important, because at that point I can make conscious choices.
I also realized that I’ve never done well with escalator-type concepts in my world. This frustrated the hell out of a couple of the women I was involved with, some years back. I also frustrated the hell out of myself this way, more than once. Which means that now I really need to rethink the whole “single/soloish until a good partner comes along” concept. And I need learn how to be clear about communicating that.
…That was three articles ago. Since then I’ve since about your breakup, about grownup tests, and about the good that comes from breakups. Odds are good I’ll end up needing to read every single bloody thing you’ve written in the last year, because I resonate with so much of it!
I need to figure this stuff out, and your words are helping.
Oh well, they say sleep is overrated.
Seriously: This is crystallizing some stuff that’s been rattling around in the back of my brain for a while. And it ties in with some paradigm-shifting stuff around love and relationships I’ve been gnawing on for about the last year.
I just want to say thank you. For what’s already making sense to me, for the sorting-through that will doubtless make me a better person to be in relationship with (even with myself), and for the scads of stuff I haven’t gotten around to reading yet that’s probably going to blow my mind some more.
You are doing good and worthwhile stuff.
PS: and as for the above-mentioned friend, I’m going to stop withholding. There are a few benefits each of us get out of being around the other. I’m going to focus on that, appreciate what’s there, and come to some sort of agreement about the future kind of being whatever we agree it will be, as we work that out. And not put it on an escalator.